I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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