i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
