when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
