It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
