It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
