I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
