so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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