I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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