i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
