The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
