Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
