she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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