Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
