she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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