oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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