All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
