I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
