The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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