I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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