i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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