My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
