There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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