For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
