SEEEEXXX PLEASE
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
