Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
