What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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