wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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