your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
