And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
