hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
