It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
