Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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