Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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