For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
