so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
