so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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