Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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