went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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