I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This is the high leading the old right now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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