you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
