So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
