My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
