I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
