Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
