I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
