I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
