Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
