Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
