Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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