I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
