it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
