i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
