forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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